He disabled his match.com account in front of me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize