There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize