Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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