New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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