In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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