I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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