What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize