your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize