I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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