so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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