I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize