I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize