Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize