My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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