I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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