I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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