We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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