We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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