I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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