no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Michael Bay diarrhea
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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