When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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