I showed him my bush... on skype.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize