Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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