I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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