she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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