Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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