So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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