new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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