On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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