Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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