what day is it and did you see me today?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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