I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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