well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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