It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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