I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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