I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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