I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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