so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
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He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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