I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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