He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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