doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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