I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize