I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize