Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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