I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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