Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize