What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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