oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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