im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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