Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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